Quizzically Musing

Watching the madness

Christians, Jews, Muslims

with 3 comments

I’ve got news for you.  Your God (in case you forgot, you all believe in the same God) is a little over some of you.

Given I don’t believe in Him, therefore I have no expectations of Him, He felt safe dropping around for a cup of tea and a chat. A bit of a debrief, really.  Sadly, all I could do was listen.  I really didn’t have a lot of advice for the poor chap.

I have to tell you, He really is getting very frustrated with all the fruit cake extremists on all sides of the triangle.  The latest episode that got him rolling his eyes was this, as reported in The Age.  If you can’t be bothered reading the link, it is Jewish radicals this time.  No, He doesn’t blame Satan for all this radical stuff – He blames YOU, the individuals.  He did give special mention to the Preachers, Rabbis and Imams that incite such stupidity in His name, but basically He holds each and every one of you responsible for your own actions.  He says He isn’t bailing you out, either. 

If He had His way, He says, He would force every single person on this planet to marry from one of the other two belief systems for two generations.  His logic is that you’d soon stop trying to kill off your relatives, or at least most of you would.  He hopes.

He is baffled by why the three systems that believe in Him are constantly at each other’s throats.  He doesn’t see other religions jumping on this bandwagon – they just go calmly about their business.  Why can’t His followers, He wonders?

Then He got all down, questioning His own actions back in the day.  Should he have taken Thor’s advice and left well enough alone, He wondered.  But with Thor thundering about it was hard to think properly.  Then there was Venus, all loved up with nowhere to go.  He had listened to her too, but perhaps not quite enough.  Too much Thor and not enough Venus in the recipe, perhaps.

“God dammit”, He spluttered, “why can’t they all just get along?”  I pointed out to Him that some of His followers would likely accuse Him of blasphemy for the cursing.  He thundered that if He wanted to use His own name, He damn well would!  I suggested perhaps a glass of wine might be more therapeutic than the tea.  He gratefully agreed.  “Grapes”, He observed, turning the glass to catch the sunlight, “quite a good idea of mine, don’t you think?”  Then He started ruminating about moderation.  Made sense really – He had dropped in to talk about extremists, after all.  Why can’t everyone just be more moderate, He asked.

All people came from the same original stock, He said.  Straight out of Africa.  Who was that chap at Oxford who traced the mother line mitochondria?  People should pay more attention.  Then the white lot get all racist, thinking they are “special”.  Well, they are about 20% of the world population, so that should show them they aren’t so special. 

He’s actually thinking of making an announcement, confirming the theory of evolution, just to get everyone back on track and stop all this nonsense.  Then He can retire and stop feeling responsible for all the death and destruction perpetrated in His name.  Nice game of chess with Thor is long overdue, he says.

Don’t be surprised if He uses WikiLeaks or Twitter for the announcement, He is finding the internet quite useful, He says.  Especially given firewalls and other security measures don’t apply to Him.

He thanked me for listening then just faded into the mist.  Gods have that ability, I suppose.

By the way – I almost forgot – I heard through the mist He gets REALLY annoyed at this sort of thing:

Not according to the Bible!


Written by Robyn Dunphy

December 18, 2010 at 9:51 pm

Posted in Family, News, Relationships

Tagged with , , ,

3 Responses

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  1. Very amusing. In response, I give you a link to “The End of the World”:

    Invisible Mikey

    April 22, 2011 at 10:13 am

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