Quizzically Musing

Watching the madness

Your genitals are beautiful

with 9 comments

It saddens me, a woman of shall we say mature years who has given birth twice, to read that our younger women feel their bodies are so “wrong”.  While the survey range was 18 to 80, the mean age was 34.

We have the anorexia/bulimia issues and that is bad enough.  A lot of the blame for anorexia and bulimia is attributed to the unrealistic images of the “desirable” body type depicted in the media.  Impossibly size 0 bodies.  Perfect faces sculpted by surgeons in Hollywood or Argentina (the home of the beauty queen industry).  Botox parties – and I understand men are getting on that bandwagon too.

Now the problem is our genitials, it seems.  I recall a joke: “all you have to do to please a man is turn up naked with a beer”.  Pretty lame, I agree, but I do (or did) think it is closer to the truth than whether men peer at the structure of a vulval region and turn it down because it doesn’t look like the one in the latest adult movie.  I’ll admit, when it comes to the genders, I do think the males got the more visually attractive body parts.  However, like a lock and key, one doesn’t work without the other.

Let’s look at the findings:

Half of the group, which had a mean age of 34, worried that their partner would find the look or odour of their genitals ”repulsive”, while one in four feared the size or appearance of parts of their vulval region were unattractive or inadequate.

Here is the really worrying bit:

The findings come after The Sunday Age last month revealed the number of Medicare claims for labioplasty surgery had tripled in less than a decade.

Some women as young as 18 are seeking psychiatric treatment after the operation failed to make them feel better about their bodies. ”This research highlights the need for mental health practitioners to assess genital image and body image perceptions with girls and women who visit them with relationship and sexual problems,” Ms D’Arcy-Tehan said.

Let’s read further, however, and we find that perhaps men ARE making these comparisons:

”In my private practice I had a 16-year-old girl who came in and said her 18-year-old boyfriend told her her vagina didn’t look like the images he saw on the internet.

”That’s often where the beginnings of anxiety start.

”Young women are very confused.”

Some months ago there was much coverage in the press about the negative effects pornography had on the relationships between men and women in relationships, the thrust of the discussion being that the unrealistic images presented changed men’s perceptions and expectations.  I remember thinking at the time surely this could not be the case for the majority of men.  Surely they are more grounded in reality than that.  I also remember my husband’s complete and utter shock when he stumbled across some of what is available on the internet.  He had never in his life seen such things until coming to Australia and he was absolutely astounded.  He had never used a computer before coming here, if the Western reader is wondering how one escapes such things:  I assure you, it is still possible!

Given my husband’s reaction and the article under consideration today, I’m seriously rethinking my attitudes to pornography and the impact it has for the wider community.  I’ve always been pretty ambivilent: each to their own.  Yet I know I am firm supporter of the ratings recently introduced by Senator Kate Lundy for violent computer games.   I’m not about to start crusading as such, but I will certainly be watching the dialogue a little more closely.   

Just because we can have something, doesn’t necessarily mean we should, or perhaps we shouldn’t have it in the quantities we can or to the extremes it is available.  We don’t drink and drive because of the danger.  Not everything available to us is good for us.

I encourage all young women out there to accept their bodies as the beautiful creations of nature that they are.  Don’t be fooled by an inexperienced young boyfriend into thinking you are not normal.  Remind him in no uncertain terms that the movies are NOT normal, they are not reality.  If he has a problem with that, it is he who does not belong in your life, not your genitals.  Keep them just the way they are, for a man who truly loves YOU will not be comparing your body to internet images.

Have you ever experienced such a comment as the poor young qirl quoted above?  What did you do about it?

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Written by Robyn Dunphy

December 12, 2010 at 11:34 am

9 Responses

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  1. […] time ago I wrote an article about genitals: women requesting plastic surgery to look “neater”. All part of the same influences now so […]

  2. Reblogged this on freedomfrompornculture and commented:
    Things have got to change, this pornified culture has gone way too far, This has to stop! We have to keep speaking up, standing up, saying no. We have to stop this degradation of women, this sexism, this insanely over-pornified mainstream society that we live in. How can we as women love ourselves amongst such harsh criticisms of our bodies and sexualities, and such sexplotation of our bodies and sexualities. Should we just ‘get over’ pornified women and porn everywhere, is this just the way it is now? No! Never! As human beings regardless of gender, race, class, sexuality we deserve the basic rights of dignity, decency and self-worth. This effects women from all walks of life and all ages. With an outrageous increase in plastic surgery, breast implants and now labioplasty, we have to take a stance to stop this mass self mutilation of women in western culture as they try to emulate all the imagery of ‘woman’ we are inundated with in porn culture and via our partners viewing of porn in relationships. Men need to take a stand too, for all the women in your life, so that hopefully your young daughter wont walk into a doctors surgery with the anxiety and pressure this young girl has been shrouded with. For she is definately not alone – “”In my private practice I had a 16-year-old girl who came in and said her 18-year-old boyfriend told her her vagina didn’t look like the images he saw on the internet.”

    Lily Munroe

    June 9, 2012 at 3:21 pm

    • Thank you for your support and reblogging. This article became popular today after the news about Indian women bleaching their genitals. While not exactly mutilation, it is totally unacceptable to imply women’s genitalia should be a different colour!

      Team Oyeniyi

      June 9, 2012 at 9:24 pm

  3. Terrific article, I find the statements above to be true, as a male aged 45 I am stunned at the number of young men demanding the emulation of what they see in porn to the partners they want in real life.
    My own son and I have had numerous talks on this subject, (softly / gently) as hes only 14 but starting to be very interested in the girls.. I take him on walks through his mind regarding what and why he likes talking to certain types of girls and why he finds them attractive. Thankfully his responses assure me he likes moral sensible and fun girls before blatant sexuality scantily clad girls who to me are far too advanced for their own minds.

    My biggest disgust stems from this demand developing for the removal of womens pubic hair, so many men state “it it aint clean its not on”. This from some fine fat gutted examples of manhood bearing absolutely no resemblance to either Brad Pitt or George Cloony. The better loking ones seem to feel their partner reflects against them personally so I disregard such shallow opinions from those clearly not involved with a girl / woman for who she is but rather what she makes them feel about themselves.

    Women arent trophies, a great many men need to get this point driven through their thick selfish heads.

    Sadly my thought is it all comes back to the girls self esteem failing under such an attack of the mind, difficult to keep high in a world that tells them that if they dont look like Angelina or Jennifer theres something wrong with them. Throw airbrushed porn images and scripted movies into that and no woman is going to feel equal to that task..

    @student driver, the discussion you had about your “pussy as he calls it “… Had a similar talk with my partner about a week ago, she is significantly younger than me so theres that to consider I guess. She cannot understand mens interest in oral sex, she too is of the opinion theres something unnatractive or offensive about this area. Alternatively men like myself who adore women “as is” just dont understand why you ladies feel this way.

    I am only one guy but I advised my lady that most mature minded and confident men consider appearance last of all, if at all….. I explained that to me and those men I talk to its all about skin texture, odor, taste and the fact that if done properly oral sex give sour partners pleasure which in turn excites us. Pubic hair is part of the deal, maybe not hip to hip but its nice if theres at least enough to comfortably rest ones nose in..(-:

    Complicated issue that is difficult to combat, I wish those women who feel this way could open up, talk to their partners and come to understand that real men, caring men, men who like women simply for being soft, cuddly interesting creatures that smell nice dont actually think of appearance at all.

    Its just working out how to get that message world wide thats the tricky bit.

    wrb330

    June 9, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    • Thank for presenting a normal male perspective so eloquently!

      Team Oyeniyi

      June 9, 2012 at 1:19 pm

      • Thank you, may I add one final thing, to those women who think its all about skinny.. forget it.. please forget it..
        Real women have curves, they are fantastic to hold despite what you are being told is sexy…
        As a male let me tell you that waking with bruised hips via a bedroom bout with a human walking sticks hipbones is NOT a good form of sex..
        Frankly when I see these walking clothe racks I have an overpowering urge to force feed them a dohnut, or maybe a steak dinner… Frankly I cannot see how its deemed sexy at all and pity for their unhappiness in trying to be what they are not is usually my first emotion…
        Be a woman have curves and to those infantile males demanding porn sex, sculpted vaginas and anorexic body styles tell them to take you as you are or go away… If they wont do that they dont want the real you just as you are then you sure as hell you dont want them….

        Just sayin…..

        wrb330

        June 10, 2012 at 3:40 am

        • Quite agree with you. On the other hand, western nations do have a major obesity health problem. What we need are HEALTHY body images! Less of the whole size 0 my head is bigger than my waist stuff and more active milk maid type images.

          I’ve never been skinny, but I put on weight during the battle for my husband’s visa and I hate it, because I don’t feel comfotable and my clothes do not fit. I still have no desire to be skinny, just to get back to where I was before the battle started. I have always liked my curves.

          Team Oyeniyi

          June 10, 2012 at 8:55 am

  4. Interesting post. I once considered the surgery. Even now I don’t love my nethers, but I accept them for what they are. My bits may be larger than some, hoever it appears that all of my lovers have appreciated that after I reached my late twenties. Any man or woman over the age of 27, who had significant sexual experience with multiple partners and was educated, knew that my package was as average as the next, just decorated with some larger bows.

    I actually made my current lover explain to me why he liked my pussy, as he put it, because I needed to hear, at 35, WHY. So, he told me. I buried my face in the pillow out of embarrasment and listened. After he was done talking… we had sex again.

    I’m thankful for him, for my years with women, and for the internet. Some people may consider porn to be negative, however with the onslaught of sites providing amateur videos, I feel that you can find more variety in body types, sexual styles, and genitalia than ever before available in mainstream adult media.

    http://www.learningtodrivestick.com

    studentdriver

    December 12, 2010 at 1:51 pm

    • Nothing wrong with the “larger than some” variety! Your description is one I hope resonates with others of the same build.

      Thank you for sharing your experience and thoughts.

      Team Oyeniyi

      December 12, 2010 at 4:03 pm


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